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I don’t want to alarm anyone, but I’ve accurately predicted four of the five Premier League scorelines today.

Sarcasm Syrup

Name: Football Prophet™

Top Notes: Smug aura, WhatsApp screenshots, suspicious accuracy

Base Notes: Coincidence cologne, betting app fumes, humble-brag musk

*Football Prophet™* is the scent of acting chill while secretly screaming 'I TOLD YOU!' inside. Made for accidental psychics, fantasy football gods, and people who only post their correct predictions. Spray it before manifesting next week’s results.

10:30 PM · Mar 29, 2025